Thursday, November 14, 2013

Parenting is hard, 'yo...

This past weekend, we were able to get out and enjoy some of the leaves in our yard before the first snow hit.  Yes, it snowed on Monday and yes, it is still on the ground today (Thursday).  There isn't much left but an icy crust on the bottom, a little hard snow filling and a lots of leafy frosting -- a good ole' fashion beginning winter cupcake.  Anywho, Sunday morning was quite chilly & windy, but we went out anyways.  Windy is, after all, the best time to play in leaves!

We didn't have any leaf piles, but we did have leaf accumulations from the wind and girlfriend LOVED running through them.  She loved the sound they made as they crinkled under her shoes.  She loved picking one up at a time and tried to tell me what color they were.  That is our new fascination, color-labeling EVERYTHING.  Everything is yellow -- unless it's yellow, then it's red.  I'm a stickler for accuracy and when something's silver or aqua -- even though it's not one of her primary or secondary colors, it's gets named the color it is.  I already know that she isn't going to remember aubergine or coral, but I just love to hear her repeat new words.

This week, we also made the final move into her crib.  There is no turning back now, which really saddens me.  It also tires me as it hasn't been an easiest transition.  Monday, she fell asleep in our bed and E moved her.  She then woke up at 9:50pm and proceeded to cry until 11:25pm-ish.  Those 90 minutes were the hardest minutes OF MY LIFE (seriously no joke).  E refused to let me go into her room as he thought that if she saw me, she would refuse to sleep in her crib and want me to pick her up.  She cried and I cried.  She called out "mama" and I cried even harder.  I felt so guilty, knowing that she was crying and that we weren't doing anything about it.  She was confused and didn't understand why she wasn't where she normally slept.  Oh, man, that was a hard, hard night.

Tuesday night, I put her to sleep in her crib.  We had a relatively peaceful Tuesday night.  E still got up 2-3 times with her between 2:30 & 3:00 to calm her that he was still there, just not in her room.  Last night was a repeat of Monday.  She accidentally fell asleep in our bed -- her and I were watching TV to settle down a little and before I knew it, I turned to glance at her and she was sleeping.  She was up from 3:00am to 4:30am.  I went in this time around 3:45am after E had made 3-4 trips in there.  It's heart-wrenching to have to listen to your kid be upset because they don't understand.

There are plenty of times in the evening when I'm on my own that I can't do things for her and she cries and throws tantrums.  I can handle that.  I can handle telling her "no" because I have other priorities such as not burning dinner and holding her isn't one of my priorities in that moment.  Those screams are totally different than the achy whines or whimpery cries that come in the middle of the night.  Maybe it's because I miss sleeping by her.  I now feel like I don't get to see her very much each day.  I now get a total of 3.5 hours with her a day.  At least when she was sleeping by me, I could reach out and feel that she was there or see her peaceful sleeping face when I rolled over.  Please don't misunderstand that I don't realize that this (i.e. sleeping in her crib) is what is best for her.  I know that this has to happen for her to be the future strong, independent woman that I envision for her.   I just didn't realize how hard it was going to be on me...

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