Friday, June 15, 2012

She works hard for her money...

But she doesn't want to work all day.  She wants to spend more time with her baby girl.

Sorry for the 16 week photos -- haven't had a chance to upload any photos yet this week.
And I just realized that E's skin tone looks SO completely different than Finn's.  No photoshopping there.

Right before I had Little Miss Marvelous, my boss had told me of a job opportunity within my department that would get me out of the secretarial pool (which means a change in my schedule).  It was music to my ears!  Let me explain my current state of affairs...

I need to leave my house by 7:15 (at the latest) and I don't return home until 5:45pm (at the earliest, there have been more than one occasion when traffic has caused me to get home at 6:15-6:30pm).  Once I get to the parking ramp, I have a 10 minute walk to my building, which means also a 10 minute walk back to my car at the end of the day.  E had asked if I wanted to switch to parking in the ramp right next to my building.  But during my pregnancy, those 20 minutes of walking a day were very beneficial to me, which is why I refused.  And by the end of my pregnancy, that 10 minute walk was actually closer to 15, but a very beneficial 30 minutes!  I sit in a hallway all day with the only source of outside light coming from the doctor's office directly across from me, which his secretary likes to leave shut.  So on almost any given day, I won't see the light outside unless I get up from my desk and walk to a window.  Let me tell you -- hallways with florescent lights can be really depressing...  And I get home at 6:00pm-ish each day and we usually start the bedtime routine at about 8:30.  So the majority of my days, I only get 2.5 hours a day with her.

Coming back from maternity leave, my supervisor sat me down and told me that the aforementioned opportunity was no longer an option and that they are going to add to my work load (without compensation, of course).  So I thought that it was time for me to look elsewhere.

I've landed a new job!  As of July 2nd, I will be working in the College of Medicine as a coordinator of the curriculum of the first year medical students!  Best news yet?!?!?!?  I can make my own schedule -- which means 7:00am -- 3:30pm!!  AND the job is located in the building next door to my current parking ramp!  So I should be arriving home by 4pm each day!!!!  AND although I'll be sitting in a small room with four other cubicles, my cubicle abuts the wall of windows.  So one whole side of my cubicle is windows!!  Wahooooooooooo!!!!

I'm not really excited to be starting a new job as I like knowing what I'm doing and knowing that I do it well. But everyone seems very kind in the new office and one of my current doctors is actual the associate dean in the college of medicine.  So I already know someone over there! 

On a more personal note, I also think that starting a new job will stop the constant nostalgia that I live through each day here.  My pregnancy with Finn was probably one of the best periods of my life, fairly stress free, filled with excitement and anticipation, and going to work meant spending the day with one of my closest friends that I've made here in Cleveland.  My friend has moved jobs and big surprise -- I'm no longer pregnant!  I truly miss that period and am deeply saddened that it is over.  Stress free has been replaced by responsibility, budgeting, and my new 24 hours a day job.  Now please don't think that I'm not happy being Finn's mother.  Being her mom is something that I feel like I was meant to do.  I love her with all of my heart and have become her Mama Bear.  

But it is a very difficult job, one that with E's long hours means that I do a lot by myself most days.  It's made even more difficult without family or friends close by.  And although with the great stress of the position comes some of the greatest joy, I long for the days where I got to spend every minute of the day with her without having to tote a stroller and diaper bag; where when I got home if I was tired, I could lounge around all evening, rubbing my little girl through my tummy and not having to entertain her; where I didn't feel so scattered and stretched thin all the time.  I think that I have a little postpartum and am trying to adjust to my new role as a working mom.  So I think that beginning something completely new will help snap me out of the doldrums I find myself in while sitting here at work, remembering the good ole' times as my melancholy is usually only present at work.  When I'm at work and feeling sad, I'm trying to remind myself that I'm actually living one of the best times of my life, as Little Miss Marvelous Lady is truly an excellent source of unicorns eating sprinkle-covered cakey donuts while flying over rainbows.  

(I deleted the last two paragraphs, pasted them back in, deleted them again, and finally pasted them.  I realize now that I was hesitant because I didn't want people to think that I wasn't grateful and over-the-moon for my little lady.  I am.  It's just that the mind has a funny way of playing games with you when you have nothing to do but sit there and think about things used to be...)

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