Yowza! One month left. Where did the last 9 months go? It seems like it was just yesterday that I got the "pregnant" word appear on the stick and then, finding out that Fish was a boy and then, breaking my foot and then the belly appearing and not going away. But it also seems like years ago when all of these things happened. I can't believe it's actually time to start getting the hospital bag ready and placed in the car and to set up all the old infant gear that we put away. Life is going to change here shortly.
In my pregnancy and delivery of Finn, I remember not being able to wait until the next time that I could be pregnant again. Her pregnancy and delivery was marvelous, storybook actually -- yes, there were aches and pains, but I truly loved being pregnant with her. This time around, I joke that if this was the way I felt with the first pregnancy, there may not have been another. And I will tell you that although when I first found out I was pregnant, I was already contemplating a third. But after this one, there will NOT be another little set of feet running around our house (at least not one that I have to grow).
I have one word for you... exhaustion. Yes, I have the aches and pains that go along with pregnancy. They wax and wane and on the days when they are pretty severe, I may complain about them a little (or a lot). But those aches and pains I know serve a greater good, meaning a faster and easier delivery. This exhaustion serves NO purpose, except to make me more tired. I try to remember back to Finn's pregnancy and think if I was this exhausted during that one as well. But there is one glaring difference between then and now -- that being Finn and my having to chase after her or convince her to do something, particularly coaxing her to come near me to get her diaper changed as I have already lowered myself onto the floor and can't get up with any speed (which also exhausts me at this point). It's a double-edged sword, really. Because I know the more active I stay, the easier delivery will be -- but I just want to stop moving and lay with my eyes closed. I don't want to ask E to do too many things because it will just make me lazier and lazier and I know that I will be thanking myself for trying to chase after Finn when Fish shoots out with a sneeze (okay, not really).
And to complete the never-ending cycle, I have a good ole' fashion case of pregnancy insomnia at least 1-3 times a week. I will wake up to go to the bathroom (which requires some work to get off the bed due to my symphysis pubis dysfunction (just a fancy word for a loose pubic ligament causing lots of pain)). Once I get back into bed, Fish will wake up and decide that it's Soul Train time and bust out some seriously uterus-stretching moves for about 20-30 minutes. By now, I'm fully awake and won't go back to sleep for another hour at least.
Speaking of Soul Train moves, Fish is going to be a serious mover and shaker. The boy can't stop! At least once an hour, he is in there moving and stretching for 10-15 minutes. The alien stomach began a while ago and although he is running out of room, the movements are NOT slowing down -- they are just getting bigger.
I am also beginning to get anxious about Fish's arrival. With Finn, there was no anxiousness, honestly. I wasn't even nervous on the day that I had her. I knew that there was nothing that I could do to stop it and that she had to come out one way or another. This time around, it's entirely different. I know what to expect (or at least think that I know what to expect) and that's the problem. With Finn, I was in early labor for 17 hours. Early labor is the easy labor -- you are contracting regularly, but not strongly; you can do everything that you normally do -- best way to describe this is like having menstrual cramps on regular intervals. I completed a full work day with no one knowing that I was in early labor and we even went out to eat with our neighbors. I am not concerned about that part. The part that petrifies me is that I was in active labor (self-defined as the moment I couldn't talk through my contractions) for 90 minutes before I was full dilated and that Finn arrived in four pushes. I arrived at the hospital at 9cm and was fully dilated within 10 minutes of arrival. I would have had to have her all-naturale (i.e. with no pain meds) if she had dropped into place. Fortunately for me, she was sitting really high in my uterus (partially because my bag of water was a bag of steel -- that sucker didn't break even after 4 hours of being fully dilated and practically falling out of my body) and I was able to get an epidural. Due to LOTS of babies being born that evening/morning (I think I remember them saying 17 babies), they let me sit for four hours, naturally letting my body push the baby lower. And when it came time to push, four pushes was all it took. They say the second arrives faster than the first. I have no plans on having Fish without an epidural. And I am not about to have a baby in the car. Yet, I don't want to arrive at the hospital too soon and look silly, having to be turned away with my second baby.
I also have Finn to worry about this time. Last time, my poor puppy became so depressed in seeing me go through the serious pain of active labor. My neighbors took care of him while we were in the hospital with Finn and they said that he wouldn't even lift his head for a ball (which is his favorite). Also, poor Finn was straight up traumatized when I fell down the stairs, seeing me only mildly crying in pain. So there is a fine line that we are going to have to ride before we leave for the hospital. This time, my motto is "start heading to the hospital when I can't talk through my contractions" and hope we get there in time.